This one came from a conversation with a friend about training her dog to not jump up on people. She didn't want anyone to roll their eyes when she approached with Ruby. Ruby's a chocolate spaniel pup, and she's a little too enthusiastic about meeting people - as most puppies are. Ruby got me thinking:
Daddydoit attended a lecture on child development back in the eighties (yes, I'm that old!).
When parents don't teach their children how to behave, the lecture went, it's a form of cruelty. It's setting the child up to be disliked. For example:
At Denny's restaurant, Johnny runs down the aisle. He plays diving board with his spoon, seeing if he can get an ice cube into his water glass from a foot away. He creates zen sugar designs on the table, complete with pepper lowlights. And he whines about wanting cheesecake at ten decibels. His parents toss a few useless admonishments his way, but Johnny knows he can ignore them. They never follow through. There is no bite to their bark!
Johnny acts poorly in libraries, in shopping malls, and at school. His parents have dropped the ball. They, through their passivity, have set Johnny up to be unwelcome where ever he goes. It's not Johnny's fault.
Of course, this is a decades-old lecture about a hypothetical kid. Childrearing in the trenches is much more complex. Most kids test boundaries. They push the limits to see if anyone is there to set them.
For my kids, I identify different levels of behavior. There is playground behavior, in which my kids can go crazy as long as nobody gets hurt. We have restaurant behavior, in which the kids can have fun but they have to talk down, sit up, and mind their manners. Then, of course, there is library/theater behavior: The kids have to act like church mice - whisper and sit still.
When you're driving up to your niece's graduation party, just say, "This will be restaurant behavior, guys." And they will know what that means. Hopefully they won't jump up on anyone with their muddy paws!
copiwrite B.A.F.
Recent Comments