Don't Kiss the Frog!

Prudence from Chicago writes Daddydoit:

I met this guy who I really like.  He has a good job.  He's good-looking, and he's a gentleman.  I asked him out months ago, but he's never met me half way.  I still feel like I'm chasing him, but he appears to be enjoying his time with me.  He certainly hasn't told me to go away.  He says he's still getting over his last relationship, but it's been almost a year now.  I getting sick of it.  I just want him to step up and be in the relationship. 

Daddydoit says:

Not much here to go on, Prudence.  You're a bit thin on the details. 

That being said, I think you might have an archetype distortion on your hands.  You probably grew up hearing that young women are supposed to kiss frogs to get a prince.  Walt Disney lied to you, dear Prude.  Never kiss a frog.

In the original Grimm Brothers story (The Frog King) the princess doesn't kiss the frog.  She throws him against the wall "with all her might".  (I've read this tale to my daughter ten times!)  The frog represents the masculine, earthy swamp energy.  The new-agers call it the second chakra.  It's positive manifestation is procreative.  It's darker expression begets usury and manipulation.  In other words, it appears your guy is having his cake without having to bake it; an opportune arrangement from his point of view.

Throwing the frog is a metaphor for having spine.  The G. Bros. are warning you to enter the relationship with your ego intact.  You must be able to access your assertive groove.  Never settle for being treated poorly or settle for being neglected.

In your case, throwing your frog against the wall would sound something like this, "Listen Joe (or whatever his name is), I took a risk by asking you out on a date.  I know you had some grieving to do, but it's been almost a year.  I feel I've been patient.  You need to make up your mind.  Fish or cut bait.  I like you, but you're not the only frog in the pond."

Most men want to respect their partners.  Spinelessness begets disrespect.

It very well might be that his last relationship put a spell on him and turned him into a frog.  You acting like a doormat won't help.  You're assertiveness will break the spell.  Slam (metaphorically speaking) that amphibian!  If he doesn't turn into a prince after impact, you got yourself a perpetual frog.  And then you have to decide whether to settle for that.

There is another tale that every young woman should read.  It's called King Lindworm (Translation and edit from D. L. Ashliman).  It's the story of a hideous monster; a dragon-like lizard who marries young women and then devours them on their wedding nights.  

Luckily the heroine accepts the help of a wise old woman: 

"If you just listen to me, I can help you," said the old woman.

The girl was eager to hear her advice. "When you go to the bedroom following the ceremony, you must have ten nightshirts on. If you don't have that many, then you must borrow some. Ask for a bucketful of lye water, a bucketful of sweet milk, and an armful of switches. All these things must be taken to the bedroom. When he comes in, he will say, 'Beautiful maiden, take off your nightshirt!' Then you must say, 'King Lindorm, take off your skin!' You will say that to each other until you have taken off nine nightshirts and he has taken off nine skins. By then he will not have another skin, but you will still have on a nightshirt. Then you must take hold of him. He will be nothing more than a clump of bloody meat. Dip the switches into the lye water and beat him with them until he has almost fallen to pieces. Then you must bathe him in the sweet milk, wrap him in the nine nightshirts, and hold him on your arm. You will then fall asleep, but only for a short time."

The girl thanked her for the good advice, but she was still afraid, for this was indeed a dangerous undertaking with such a sinister animal.

The wedding day arrived. A large and splendid carriage brought two ladies who prepared the girl for the wedding. Then she was taken to the castle and led into the hall. The lindorm appeared, took his place next to her, and they were married. When evening arrived, and it was time for them to go to bed, the bride asked for a bucketful of lye water, a bucketful of sweet milk, and an armful of switches. The men all laughed at her, saying that it was some kind of a peasant superstition and all in her imagination. But the king said that she should have what she asked for, and they brought it to her. Before going into the bedroom, she put nine nightshirts over the one she was already wearing.

When they both were in the bedroom the lindorm said, "Beautiful maiden, take off your nightshirt!"

She answered, "King Lindorm, take off your skin!"

And thus it continued until she had taken off nine nightshirts and he had taken off nine skins. She found new courage, for he was now lying and the floor with blood flowing freely from him and barely able to move. Then she took the switches, dipped them into the lye water, and beat him as hard as she could until there was scarcely a twig left among the sticks. Then she dipped him into the sweet milk and laid him on her arm. She fell asleep, for it was late, and when she awoke, she was lying in the arms of a handsome prince.

These stories might sound like advertisements for domestic violence, but they are not.  They're allegories for how to deal with the masculine dark side.  The only thing I would add to the King Lindworm story is that a young woman should deliver the lye water and sweet milk treatment before marriage. (Because it doesn't always produce a prince.) 

Hope this helps, Prude.  Also, if you can, remember to have some solid older women around you.  Maybe some solid old men, too.  Mentors will keep your boat above water.

 

copiwrite B. A. F.