Daddydoit was hoping that women would tune in and comment on these pages or submit questions. Voila . . . Sally from St. Paul is in a difficult situation.
Dear Daddydoit,
OK, so after reading your blog and seeing that you have not only tons of advice but also experience I need your help! I am at the beginning of my 4th month of pregnancy. This is our first so we had no idea what to expect pregnancy wise and still have no idea what it will be like to be parents. My husband and I are not worried about this at all, we are a role with the punches type of couple so we are mostly great with this...However, my emotional state took a nose dive in the second month and now I find myself trying to protect the man I love from me! My moods are all over and as I work full time, I also suppress the crazies while I am at work...that means that when I get home (usually he is not there) I let loose the crazy for a little while just to vent it out. Sadly, we have been fighting lately mostly because my usual carefree friendliness is gone and the balance of our relationship is now way out of whack. What should I do? How can I control this so he is not hurt? How do I try and balance all of this out again?
Daddydoit will take his best shot, but we really need the experts to weigh in. If you're a woman who can support Sally, please comment. Until then:
Hi Sally,
I have seen all sorts of things in women's bodies go hay wacky during pregnancy. They lose hair. They have teeth problems, gum problems, intestinal problems.
When one talks about these physical abnormalities, we all say, "Of course! You're pregnant. You're going to experience big TEMPORARY changes." We all say this matter of factly, without judgment, without condemnation, etc. There is even a certain levity in our voice tones, as if to say, "Isn't that cute? She gets up every morning and vomits her guts out."
But for some reason, we cut less slack for emotional irregularity. We are especially hard on ourselves. (This is the case with any emotional disturbance.) I think you might not be cutting yourself enough slack. Your body is doing incredible things!
Action item 1.) Don't go it alone.
Make sure to surround yourself with women who have had babies. Preferably ones who have had their emotional equilibrium knocked off balance during pregnancy. They'll commiserate with you, and you will start to realize that what you're going through isn't that unusual. You won't feel so alone if you talk to others. If that well is dry, get an older woman counselor. You're worth the cost! (Keep venting when you're home alone, but you'd probably get more relief venting to someone who understands.)
Action item 2.) Talk to your husband.
Talk about the transient aspect of what you're going through. It would help greatly if he verbalized that he knew your emotional ups and downs are temporary. Also, he might need to get support from other men who have endured difficult pregnancies. He might need a mentor, too.
Know that he's a big boy. He's got a brain. He can see what you're going through. Part of being a husband is taking some heat. (My wife practically took my head off during our first!) I'm not saying he should let you abuse him, but absorbing some displaced anger isn't going to kill him.
[Remember, when it's all said and done, it's his fault anyway. :)]
Action item 3.) Check with your doctor.
See if there's a medication for depression that won't hurt the baby. 3b.) get some exercise.
Action item 4.) Admire yourself.
You really are incredible. Know your body is performing the most magical, difficult creations the human body is capable of. It's a gargantuan task to build a baby inside of you. When you look into the mirror, you can truly be proud of yourself. There's light at the end of the tunnel. What you're going through is temporary.
Above all, make sure you're not walking alone!
Daddydoit
Featured Comment: Kelly from Minneapolis,
Regarding your emotional roller coaster ride during pregnancy, a normal reaction to hormonal changes. It may be worse for some women unfortunately, but hang in there, it should get better. I can remember feeling very emotional at times. For me it was near the end of the pregnancy that I felt worse. Yet, some of my friends experienced it early on as you are. Sometimes I felt like a yo-yo going from laughing to crying, to anger. Your husband should understand if you talk with him and let him know what you’re going through. Hang in there! You’ll love being a mother.
copiwrite B.A.F.
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