When I was researching how and when to talk to my kids about sex, I was astonished to learn how many parents were waiting for their children to initiate the discussion. Not the best strategy in the age of computers. The information age has forced your hand, dear parents. You have to teach your kids about sex at an early age.
Let me list the reasons:
First, it is possible, even probable, that your kids will be over at some computer-savvy friend’s house someday and sexual images will appear on the computer screen. The internet offers any explicit image you can possibly imagine. You don’t want this to be your child's first impression!
Second, you want to start talking before they realize that sex is something to be shameful about. One of my friends waited until her daughter was fourteen. The child plugged her ears and hummed the Star Wars theme every time the subject was broached. In other words, it was too late. Her daughter had already closed her off.
Third, if you are the first to talk to your kids about sex, you get a golden chance to influence your child’s values. Marriage matters a lot to some parents. They might want to say that sex isn’t supposed to happen until after Marriage. If you drive a Volkswagen van, you might tell your children love is all that’s required. Some want their kids to hold off having kids until they’re established, so “having babies” isn’t supposed to happen until after college. And so on.
Fourth, when your child grows up, if you've establish an easy dialog about sex, he or she will seek your advice when they enter the sexual age. Okay, probably not. But at least the issue is open for discussion. If they don't seek your advice, you can speak bluntly about your concerns and they won't fold like chair when you do it. (See The Psychology of Kidding: Mars and Venus in the Back Seat of a Car.)
It’s also a good idea to tell a child that it’s not their job to educate friends about the subject and that some people (grandma and grandpa, teachers, etc.) feel uncomfortable talking about sex. So it’s not a secret, but it is private. Young children have a habit of blurting out what ever drops from their mind onto their tongues.
The book I used is It’s Perfectly Normal (Harris and Emberley, Candlewick Press, Cambridge, Mass.) Read it to them before bed and discuss it. Let them keep the book in their room so they can check it out on their own. And don't forget to revisit the subject from time to time. The talk is not just one talk. It's an ongoing discussion. We started the kids when they were four, respectively.
copiwrite B. A. F.
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